Far Away
by Frayed Misfit
Summary: RemusSirius slash, dribble really, but good dribble.


**Disclaimer**: This is a non-profit organization that likes to play with JK Rowling's characters and put them in other situations, namely homosexual. Words in italics from Nickleback's 'Far Away'. Thank you, please come again.

….

_I love you. I've loved you all along_

_I miss you; you've been far away for far too long._

There were days when the coffee was warm, it was then that you could explore the gaping hole that was your heart. You prodded and investigated the hollowness, the emptiness that would not heal, you tried in vain to sow it back, tie the ends off carefully so no one would know that it was second-hand, second-rate. Like everything you owned, it was broken, patched or destroyed, Sirius was the only person who had never commented on your neglect, your lack or present ability, your undeniably small personal possessions, the almost vanishing state of your bank account. Even James had once made a snide remark at how you would love to live in his parent's broom shed, as it would be more comfortable than Hogwarts and you didn't have a home anyway. You thought that he probably didn't mean it to harm, he never did, always saying stupid things. Sirius on the other hand, people thought he said stupid things, but they were really witty things – there was a fine like between stupidity and intelligence. Some days you didn't know what side of the fence to fall on, generally it was stupidity. If you were intelligent you wouldn't have let him leave, wouldn't have thought he had killed James and Lily, wouldn't have been too afraid to contact Harry earlier, wouldn't have left Hogwarts even if the parent's withdrew all their children. Yes you were weak, a soft eager kind of weak, the kind of weak that Sirius loved, it made him feel he had someone to look after, someone to protect. Kissing the small of your back after the moon had gone down, smoothing your wounds, tracing over the endless contour lines of scars with his wand, nibbling the back of your knees until you thought you would die. Out of love.

_I keep dreaming, you'll be with me_

_And you'll never go._

Sirius moved across the dance floor, swaying slightly between the scantily clothed witches, peering at him, drawing him towards them, but his eyes were focused. On you. He brushed them all off, his smile drawn only for you, he didn't care tonight, and neither did you. You hoped that tonight would end the secret tangled messes in the shrieking shack, the fumbled words written in disappearing ink, swapping his cloak with yours, just to smell him all day long. Of course James knew, he pretended he didn't, he wished he didn't, but he still loved them, in his goofy way and he was happy now, relieved probably that there was no more tension. Peter knew as well, he had hopped into your bed one night not so long ago, his excited body pressed awkwardly against yours. "I want to try it". You snarled "You don't know what you want". He had left and you had not spoken about it, although you wondered if he had approached Sirius to 'try'. Sirius reached you, engulfed you in his warmth, his happiness and drew you into the cool air of the courtyard.

"Let's run away. Let's fly to Madagascar, eat ice creams until we're sick. Fly over Africa, holding hands the whole way." His voice deep, full of meaning and you almost lost your seating, you squeezed his hand and lifted his finger-tips to your lips, brushing them softly, teasingly. If he only knew how much you adored him.

_Stop breathing, if I don't see you anymore._

_I wanted you to stay, I needed, I needed you to say .._

"I love you" you murmured, your hazel eyes lifted above your Herbology book, focusing on his soft curtain of hair, your legs were intertwined beneath the table.

"Mhum" he didn't look up, he couldn't say it, and he never could. He had once claimed that he couldn't say it because he didn't know what love was. It made you feel slightly insufficient but you always said that you'd still love him, and still say it, because if was the truth. You spoke the truth and Sirius spoke big declarations with no truth, just dreams, he never knew it'd be too late, he'd make you wait for just too long.

_I forgive you, you've been away for far to long_

_So keep breathing, I'm not leaving you anymore._

You wandered the empty house when everyone else had left; Mrs. Black was quiet behind her curtain now, not aware of your presence. You spent the longest time sitting in the attic, absently sweeping the hippogriff's grey feathers with your foot, humming to yourself, feeling warm in this space that was full of Sirius. You knew why he loved this room so much, it reminded you of the shrieking shack, the first place you had sealed your love, the time where you spent the most amount of time together. You moved to the side of the attic, if this was the shrieking shack bedroom, this is where the four-poster would have been. A small piece of parchment was stuffed roughly in the cracks between the floorboards where the bed would stand. You lean down and tug it out, careful not to ruin anything he touched, opening it you smile and let it spiral to the floor, the words forever etched in your memory;

"I love you. I've loved you all along."


End file.
